| your hand finds mine while these candles make it right |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| someone |
[20 Mar 2006|08:41pm] |
find me someone who wants to trade my 02 golf for a 97-01 gti.
haha grrrr
|
|
|
[16 Mar 2006|05:36pm] |
i havent updated since janurary 5th.
chris gio.! beat that.
nothing is going on in my life other then work and school.
i really want a bunch of tattoos.
and i got in a minor accident that pisses me off bc i know i am a good driver and it should have never happened.
they are fileing a claim even tho her door just dented a little.
my golf is a tank and has the smallest dent in the wheel well and a little scratch.
so im not getting it fixed right away. it runs and looks fine. next time i get my car tuned up i'll have them pop is out and buff it or something.
gahhh wtf i am sick. and achey from work. and i smell pizza so im going to eat. bye.
|
|
|
[05 Jan 2006|10:29pm] |
new years was a lot of fun.
much better then the previous new years eve.
and i would like to take the time to thank the what...2 friends on lj that i was with that night.
heh
thank you chris and erin. there i'll single you out.
i hope 2006 only brings more exciting times!
im glad we've gotten closer.
|
|
| one love |
[19 Dec 2005|09:57pm] |
to all my friends.
you know who you are.
< sidesways 8
|
|
|
[27 Nov 2005|03:46pm] |
|
this break was pretty fuckin fun.
|
|
|
[21 Nov 2005|10:21pm] |
havent updated in almost a month.
and well..nothing is new actually.
just my car..and im pretty sure i had it last time i updated. just never said anything.
and..thanksgiving is coming up soon. and everyone who goes away to college should be coming home.
i am really looking forward to it. i hope these 4 days are going to be a lot of fun. i could use it.
with all this work during the week and very little play, anytime i get a chance to have fun i get excited.
and..ummm...i benched 225 for the first time sunday night.
thats the bar and 2 45lb weights on each side!(the bar weighs 45lbs)
not to mention its 50lbs over my weight. i must say i am very satisfied with that lift.
not that you care.
|
|
|
[27 Oct 2005|11:08pm] |
i am pretty content.
some of my friends think i am avoiding them during the week.
but my weeks are just very busy with work full time and school at night.
and i still have to lift because i LOVE it.
so the weekends are the time i can do whatever. no work. no school.
so its all good.
aight.
holla.
|
|
| lkajfdsla;jfsa |
[14 Sep 2005|10:14pm] |
i think one of these days i might just have a heart attack
or anxiety(sp) attack
or panic attack
or stress attack
or my heart cant take anymore of this emotional rollar coaster attack
it hurts to beat anymore. is that possible?
i'm guessing that one of those will happen sooner or later.
so say your goodbyes now.
|
|
| this may sound clique |
[08 Sep 2005|09:39pm] |
but is it all?
or nothing at all?
i am "leaving it all on the field" with this one.
i either want it to be perfect, or close to. with nothing left open or to be questioned.
or i want nothing at all...
and believe me when i say i am trying my hardest. the hardest i've ever tried before, and may ever try again. i'm trying to get this right for once.
to be the person i was always meant to be.
i swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky.
i'll be there.
i swear, by the shadow thats by your side.
i'll be there.
for better or worse.
til death do us part.
i'll love with every single beat of my heart.
i swear.
|
|
| all the myspace messages you wrote me..here is my reply. |
[30 Aug 2005|10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
i wish i could turn back time and fix everything that i fucked up in my past
but i cant.
i was selfish, inconsiderate, and immature in making some decisions.
i cared more about myself then others feelings, and i've learned that is the wrong way to go about things.
im learning the hard way.
but not nearly as hard as alaina had it. what i put her through. the way i treated her towards the end of our relationship was completely inappropriate.
why was i doing it? because i only thought of myself. i didnt realize exactly what i had.
i missed my friends a lot. and they were a huge part of my life. i lost my friends for alaina. and then i lost alaina for my friends. and the one thing i learned from all of this, is there has to be a happy medium. where each can coinside with one another. unfortunately, it took me 8 months to realize this. and now all hope of things getting better seem slim. and i dont blame her one bit for being skeptical. i, too, would be if i were in her shoes.
in janurary sometime, i said i wanted to be 'friends' with alaina. but now i cringe at the word. i cannot handle being her friend. i can only imagine what she had to deal with. and it hurts me more then words can express. i've grown as a individual these past 8 months. and i would like to think for the better. and since starting my full time job, its helped me see what the real world is like. it's helped me mature Quickly. how to care about others and not just myself. how to appreciate what i have in life.
but its also helped me see that i am missing a huge part of my life. alaina michele. i've missed her since the day we broke up, but in june, the feeling became stronger and more intense. and just the other day, something happened to push me over the edge, and i couldnt take it anymore. i need her in my life once more. thinking about it makes me smile. but the reality of it is much different then how things are played out in my mind.
i broke her heart. i hurt her more then i have hurt anyone in my entire life. this i know, and so much more. and i also realize there is nothing i can possibly do or say that can change that. there only thing i have control of is my future. i know what i want. but wanting something is different from actually obtaining it.
not a day goes by. not an hour. not a minute, that i dont think about her. it hurts me so much to know and understand what i've done to her. to feel 1/100000th of the pain i've given her is overbearing. she is a much stronger person then myself.
if you read this alaina, i swear i mean every word i speak to you. every word i write to you. and every emotion i express towards you.
i can only pray to God every night before i go to sleep that he helps me through this situation. that he helps Us through this. because i only want whats in your best interest. this time around, there is more to life then just myself. and i've learned that. its how you treat others. how i treat you.
i'm sorry for fighting, yelling, argueing, bickering, creeping you out in the past. i know i've messed up, more then should be allowed. but i just want to hang out with you again. soon.
i miss you so much alaina.
i'm sorry.
|
|
|
[28 Aug 2005|05:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
|
|
| so tonight marks a changing point in my life.. |
[28 Aug 2005|04:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
i realized that i care more about my ex-girlfriend now, then i have ever while we were together for 2 years.
today, sunday, is her 21st birthday. and i wanted to call her to wish her a happy birthday.
so on the way home from ponte's party i called her, it was about 2:30 am.
some guy picked up the phone and said they were busy, then hung up on me.
so i called back, and her girl friend answered the phone.(i will leave her name out)
she asked me why i have been calling over and over again. and i told her that i was trying to be nice and wish alaina a happy birthday.
so she said hold on and gave alaina the phone.
she sounded extremely drunk, not to mention as if she had just finished vomiting. and just sounded like she wasnt feeling well at all.
so i was completely concerned and asked if she was alright, and to please tell me the truth. she said they were having a great time and everything was just fine.
i asked where she was.
she said in philly, her mom got her a room for the night.
then i told her i really want her to call me when she wakes up later today. and she said ok. i told her to promise me, and she said she promised.. i just hope she remembers that i called and to call me back.
i didnt know what to think the rest of my ride home.
when i got home i called her back again. because i was just really concerned.
and her friend answered the phone again...and wanted to know why i wanted to get back into her life. i told her i was just trying to be a good friend and wish her a happy birthday. and she said to me that 'i broke her heart, so why am i trying to get back into her life.' and her friend also told me that alaina is apparently trying to work her way into a relationship with someone else. and i asked who it was with. and she wouldnt tell me. then she said 'dont take it personal if i hang up on you' and then did so.
i didnt know what to think. my mind was racing so fast. i had so many thoughts going thru my head. i needed to talk to someone. so its 3:15ish in the morning and i knock on my parents door and ask if my dad will talk to me. he says sure and we go to my room to talk about what happened tonight.
needless to say i cried for an hour straight. i couldnt breathe and i couldnt stop shaking. i am still shaking right now. but he helped calm me down and we talked about a lot of things.
i have so much on my mind right now and i dont know what to do.
alaina asked me to come to her birthday party tomorrow(later today) and i asked her why and that her family probably hates me because i hurt her. but she said they are over it and she woudl really like me to go.
i just dont understand why she would want to make such an effort to continue being friends with me, if she is trying to get into a relationshp with someone else. she knows that i want to be friends with her. but i cant do it if she is going to be with someone else.
this is the worst i have ever felt tonight.
and after searching deep down for why i reacted the way i did, i think its because i miss her so much. i care about her. i want the best for her.i wish things were different now, but they arent. hopefully she calls me. if not i am going to call her. because we have a lot to talk about. A LOT.
i am getting tired but i dont think im going to be able to sleep all night... and i'll probably cry a lot more.
edit: also on the way home from ponte's..i called erin up because i needed to talk really bad. and she listened to me go on and on and on. and i appreciate it. a lot. im sorry for leaving you out before in the entry. but thank you so very much! :)
|
|
|
[23 Jun 2005|06:44pm] |
|
WOW!
|
|
|
[07 Jun 2005|07:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
I got offered a job.
Today is a good day.
I will start working Monday.
After I fill out paperwork on friday.
So I have my foot in the door finally.
I am so happy!
|
|
| today doesnt get any better... |
[02 Jun 2005|06:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
today started off well.
called a lot of businesses asking if they were lookin for an apprentice.
very little luck
faxed out about 5 resumes. so im waiting on that.
i go to work. lock the keys in a bmw by accident. i hate those stupid cars.
it wasnt one of the dealerships so they didnt have any spare keys.
it was a service car(a customer's car getting work done)
so i had to wait for the owner to drive all the way home to get the spare key.
and since tuesday, ive had this pain. and it REALLY hurts. its hurts to sit; it hurts to walk.
so i have a doctors appointment friday 3pm. its the soonest they can get me in.
of course i am going to have to call out of work. and there is only me and another kid that works on fridays.
they are going to be pissed. but as of right now i dont even care. i am in serious pain and i need it to go away.
in my family, i am the only one that ever has anything wrong with their body.(other then my dad, apple doesnt fall far from the tree, eh?)
~1st grade split my head open on a 4-seater swing. you know what im talking about? the metal ones. i fell underneath it while my friend was going full speed. smash into the back of my head. stitches needed.
~3rd grade needed a hernia operation because apparently i was born with undecended teste???
~8th grade blew my knee out playing soccer and needed surgery
~10th grade snapped my right wrist in half, completely, getting tackled at football practice. painful? i think so.
~11th grade dislocated my right shoulder(throwing arm) and needed major surgery to repair it so i could play baseball again.
my body holds up horribly. i am depressed. frustrated. upset. confused. Embarassed.
i just want everything in my life to go smoothly.
smoother, even, then the way things have been going.
so yea. everything sucks.
edit: well i think it is way more serious then i first thought. and i dont know what to do. everyone in my house left. and it hurts no matter what i do. i wish the doctor could take me in today. What did I do to deserve this?!?!?!
|
|
|
[31 May 2005|11:14pm] |
|
Confidence Rocky. Confidence.
|
|
|
[28 May 2005|01:08am] |
today i weighed myself
and from september til today
i lost 35 lbs.
i weighed in at 148lbs tonight.
i dont remember weighing this much every before.
i skipped right over it. haha
well. i cant wait to start working out daily once school gets out.
:)
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
tercesbackwards's journal